Facilities
Dear Mr Dastagir
The point that I would like to make is about the sports facilities in our school. Better sports facilities need to be available because the ones that we have are not good enough (especially because we are in a sports school). My friends and I have all been affected by these issues, that’s why I am writing to you.
In addition, the old year seven playground is inadequate due to it being a car park. This is unacceptable. One of the most popular sports in any school is football and we do not get the chance to enjoy it. If you would like some respect for your school, then you should lay down some rules. If we do not abide by these rules then we should not have our playground and should lose it to the year elevens. Everybody deserves a second chance and that includes us.
Furthermore, in the playground the older year groups (year nines)have a tendency to push in the line for games like nine square, this results in us year sevens not being able to play and feeling insecure. I have friends that have been victims of this problem and so have I. This is nothing to be proud of as a school because if Ofsted were to find out about this then the schools reputation/standards will be lowered severely.
The main reason people get injured is because the year nines take advantage of all year sevens that look vulnerable by pushing them and barging them out of the way and on to the floor. Recently, my friend anonymous was a victim of this, he was pushed over by a year nine and had a serious migraine. Year eights are used to this because they had it last year and have adapted to it.lHow would you feel to be the victim of one of these issues? I know that you as an adult feel as though we should not worry about it and grow up but some people feel the total opposite to you.
Moreover, we could raise money to buy our own pitch/es. We Could do a fund raiser by setting up football tournament or selling cakes or something (but not too expensive like the last one). You could even set up a summer fair for each year. These approaches will earn you some money to put towards our facilities.
What I think you should do ,as a year seven my self, is at the end of this academic year, you should give the present year nines (new year tens) their own playground and every other year group can share. This will secure our safety and make sure that we do not end up injured.
This is what I think about these issues but what do you think.
Its all down to you sir, lose your students safety and trust, or fix our problems and save your school.
Thank you for reading my letter.
I hope you take this into consideration.
Yours Sincerely
Josiah Mitchell 7W1P
May 11, 2015 at 12:52 pm
You’ve done a good job of developing one idea fully and focussing on the issue that you feel is important. Most of the letter, your sentence structures are secure and you are trying to use some interesting and engaging vocabulary.
Targets
1) you have about 100 words to go before you meet your minimum word limit.
2) always re-read and edit spelling – where could your meaning be made clearer?
3) try to use only one. Conjunction per sentence
June 4, 2015 at 8:15 am
Hello Josiah,
How might you change your second paragraph to avoid repetition?
Where else do you need to edit your expression?
Thanks,
Mr North
June 5, 2015 at 9:39 pm
i think ive got it
June 16, 2015 at 5:44 pm
Transactional Writing Achieved!
Perfect Paragraph Achieved!